it's suzy

hahaha god dammit

I'm bad at deciding this because it's like... what do I actually want their vibe to be? Are they like a idealised fantasy person or are they a fucked-up gross weirdo like me? Are they an exaggerated caricature? Are they cute? Are they cool? Are they a little bit monstrous? Are they hot? God, I'm not ready to confront that question.

I think a goat or ibex of some kind would be fun. Horns, hooves, weird eyes, loves to climb on tiny pixel-wide ledges—hard not to vibe with it. Reptiles and birds are nice. I've thought about sparrows, corvids, crocodiles, etc. I love cats as pets, but I'm not sure if I really want a cat fursona. People keep making puppy girl jokes around me, but I'm not really a dog person. I could just become another trans woman with a shark fursona—that seems pretty popular for some reason—but it feels a little incongruous with how much I avoid the ocean.

Used to! I haven't touched it in years, but I have a few hundred hours in it.

I really enjoyed being a tricky little gremlin with Pyro and Spy, although I tended to spend a lot of time as Medic because I played on pub servers and wanted to win. I was never anything special but I held my own, particularly after the game went free-to-play and the skill of the average player dropped a few notches.

TF2 was also my first time hanging around with furries, as I became a regular on the OzFur servers for a while. I don't remember much, but they definitely had a much nicer vibe than the average server, if you didn't mind the occasional deeply pornographic spray. They were probably some of the first explicitly queer-friendly gaming spaces I spent time in—even if it did take me many, many more years to come to terms with myself.

[narrows eyes]

This is part of the conspiracy to get me a fursona, isn't it? It won't work. I'm telling you all, it won't work! Not that I'm unwilling to have one, but it's too much trouble. You gotta work out all the details and draw them and commission artists and put them in front of everyone else and say "hey everyone this is my fursona " and worry that it will be treated as an idealised self where every detail of it will be used as some kind of insight into the most guarded aspects of your being, and

sorry, where was I?

I think in terms of usability, my favourite tool is the private build of DarkRadiant that we use on Skin Deep (which includes some custom bugfixes and renderer tweaks, like translucency for tool textures). It doesn't look quite as nice as Trenchbroom, but it feels a little more feature-rich, and is generally very customisable. I've become a lot more amenable over time to the 'one orthogonal viewport that lets you cycle between the axes' style of layout—a far cry from Hammer's trio of orthogonal views, but really, I'm only ever focusing on one at a time. The 3D viewport also lets you preview particle emitters in real time, which is an extremely welcome feature when you're not sure whether smoke06.prt is a tiny little puff or a giant belching smokestack.

it appears you can now 'ask' me 'questions'. I mean, you could do that before, but now it's formalised in a way that makes it less weird, I guess?